You’ve planted your roots under the humid sun,

pushing the earthen ground of filial obedience,

to find the water of appreciation and peace,

seeking the nutrients of innate contentment.


But you have been uprooted too often,

that your body is torn and bloodied, 

with the sins of your past,

with the karmas of your future.


You realise you only have the strength,

to gain stability in the concrete homes,

of those that never had the heart,

to give you loyalty in the first place.


Shiver at the ironic natures of this world!


The roots that you buried,

have been left to wither and die,

under the humid sun and the breezy winds,

the memories; the laugher.


Your living soul Is nothing but a distant past of a life once lived and mourned.





Like withered leaves,
frolicking to autumn’s eddying air,
I’ll never know,
when will I settle,
satisfy the needs of innate contentment,
accept that the established sentiment,
of yesteryear’s regrets and dispositions,
were brewed; resonance of seasons,
of torment and wholesome blues,
the despair of crouching in broken homes,
lined with vines of toughened roots,
of darkened esteems and confidence,
to approach life.

When will I settle,
heal the chasms of neurotic inanities,
reject the weakened foundations of these paper towns,
glorified by the insatiable greed of paper people,
making cutout love in flimsy suburbia,
that failed to quench the pleas of adam-kind,
to erase the mistake,
of star-crossed sins and entwined hues;
the longing for better times,
to approach life.


“An angel born but not a grudge she bears;

As her ashes are scattered in the living air,

Of a world segregated in races and gender,

Blood stained hands destroying love so tender,

What a world we live in!

Blind to accept that killing foetuses is a sin;

To pluck the emerging blossom from within,

Their wage of life weighed in misery and pain,

The cycle of toxicity that begins again.

What a world we live in!”




I began this week with great anticipation and hope for the weekend ahead ( as I had made great plans with friends and family). My workload had also seemed reasonable and I was feeling confident and optimistic however it seemed that fate had different plans, throwing many setbacks. As the end of the week draws by tomorrow, I can say that I didn’t expect the week to turn out like this ( and for almost all of my weekend plans to fall apart), but this week I learnt the art of “Letting Go” which I would like to share in this week’s diary post.

Letting go and stepping back can cause volatility in the heart and  mind especially when it is something you crave for, or it is someone that you loved or wanted to be in your life. It could be as simple or difficult as letting go of expectations and being content with circumstances that life gives but for some reason, there is never a “right” way to let go. There are, however ways that can help letting go seem a little easier and less stressful. This week it meant going back and considering some of the friendships and relationships that I have made in the previous year and asking myself whether I am getting a fair deal out of it, whether it is healthy and whether similar visions and ideals are shared. 

I honestly believe that humans are neurotically programmed to complicate life which causes us to  believe in an alternate reality. I had two friendships , one where I was told to stop being “clingy” and another one where I felt as thought my respect and attention was not reciprocated. These are two friendships that I felt as though I had worked so hard for but Ive come to the realisation that anything that feels forced and causes pain is not meant to be for the more you fight for something, the more it will fight you. 

It will be painful and the fight might seem like a waste of time when we have given our time and effort but nothing is ever a waste of time, it is circumstances that allows us to make mistakes and  that helps us to grow and learn . There is a power in letting go and stepping back and bringing  peace instead of having a heavy heart. It might not be the position we want to be, but at least we are content and have the wisdom to step back and mitigate more damage from being done.

We also have to realise that if we have contemplated stepping back, that means that we might possibly be in a situation where we are not fully welcome- we have overstepped our boundaries.We need to began seeing things in reality and realise that those that we love are not always nice superheroes and can sometimes be hidden villains. By letting go of what we think is not for us, and letting go of our insecurities and fears we can forgive ourselves and those around us in order to create peace and love.

If we looked at letting go and stepping back and focused on it in a positive outlook, we will realise that such events are essential for they form new bridges to new beginnings. When we step back from people and events where we feel unwanted, we realise that we have the talent and potential to see more and enjoy what life has to offer- when one door closes; another opens.We often hold onto things and people longer than we should, with the expectations that we will never be able to find something better, when the truth is that there are billions of people and events that will make new passions emerge and you will find people who love you and give you the attention you deserve. Great things happen to all of us all the time; we just have to revert our focus and believe in positivity.

It’s time to focus on living life in the present and surround ourselves with positivity and love, no matter how long it lasts. There are 7 billion people and I am certain that at least 1%( 70million people) will love you for who you are, what you stand for and will give you the appreciation and love that you deserve. You don’t deserve the world, the world deserves to have a superstar like you so be amazing and I urge you to do some self-cleaning in your life. Trust me it will be worth it.




“They found me,

chugging boba on blood-stained sidewalks,

watching the arrival of murrain twilights,

that gave birth to New Year’s merry moments.


Deciding that my Abang’s and Kor’s,

were no longer worthy,

to be heroes in my glorious chapters.


They found me,

choking pearls on blood-stained sidewalks,

the lingering void in tormented winds,

2018’s metaphor of cruelty and allegory.


A reverberation of the heart,

causes my veins to bleed.

The toxicity of one-sided friendships,

a crippling conflict of lost hope,

in the essence of real friendships.


The heart that longed companionship,

Braved the undulating waves of remorseful penance.

The lucid beat that withers in spring,

Craved purity in the echoes of broken dreams.


Stitching myself in weaves of reality,

Gravity beckons me to mortality,

The inevitable anguish to let go,

Trample over the ideals we sowed.


The heart ceases to fathom,

The anguish in my atoms,

You set my devotion ablaze,

Blinded hindsight in a summer haze.


To leave me behind,

When I thought you were a friend for life.

The Birth of Death


The warble of the beloved nightingale,

Sings praises of the pregnant moon,

Who cowers behind the wisps of the sycamore,

And heralds the nativity of eternal darkness.


The silence of the broken heart,

Dances sheepishly to the silent night,

The cursed rhapsody of a heartbreak croaks,

And heralds the nativity of eternal loneliness.


The tranquility of an ethereal soul,

Stillborn spirit of the earthly soil,

Preordained curse of the millennial age,

And heralds the nativity of eternal death.







I tried to change,

Silence the voice of my inner mind,

Prayed to lords of names I never knew,

Stand strong in the winds my demons brewed,


I tried to breathe ,

But I drowned deeper and deeper,

And saw stars in the depths of my despair,

And saw my soul perish into the burdened air.


I tried to hide,

I shaved my head ,

I screamed to the silence of my sanity,

And crossed my heart in the chambers of insanity,


I tried to feel,

The warm smell of orchids and the misty dew,

As I danced above glass shards to the distant night,

And sinned like Satan for death was the greatest pride.