The Blessing of Disappointment

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“There is a plethora of innate disappointment,

Bound under sullen eyes; easel of lavender hues,

The sweet ignorance of undivided attention,

That promised you the world and its love.

 

Your four eyes and two faces;

Are reminders of saccharine sadness,

Embraced in scarves of white lies,

Shiver at the mere vanity of endeavour!

 

Your paper town upbringing and cutout love,

Traced silhouettes of my insecurities,

Painted my isolations with blissful caress,

White innocence of a darkened soul.

 

To seek comfort in the arms of strangers,

Malignant burdens that you couldn’t carry,

The subtle blame of being a prisoner;

Of my own illusion and society’s expectation.

 

The wonders of a platonic friendship

Once loved: To be remembered and mourned

The writings of an eulogy

That spoke of better times.

 

But I bow in acknowledgement 

To the end of what we shared

The peculiar beauty in letting friendships go

And savouring its lessons and in delight 

Realising that pain runs so deep,

That it opens the emptiness of my loss 

And allows me to be awed by the mystery of its haunting.”

 

The universe is our greatest master and guru; for its laws of nature have wonderful ways of teaching us lessons to progress and grow outwards and you were one of my life’s greatest lessons. I am truly thankful for the moments that we share and our friendship has given me experiences that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

I believe that the vast differences in our upbringing and the values that we bring were just not meant to go hand-in-hand. I could never (and never will) apologise for if I was brought up with values like yours, where low-maintenance friendships are normality, then maybe I would have done the same and robbed you of your trust and wantings.

I wish you all the best for what life has to offer and hope that your wishes and desires come true in every aspect. It initially hurt to have been cut out of your Insta and life stories but these past few months have made me realised I do not want to be in a chapter of your life where your stories show you surrounded with paper people and paper love. Regardless of our issues, I will always be there if you need a hand or a shoulder and maybe it is that loyalty that I will always have for you that has become a liability that I will have to repay for the moments we shared.

I have achieved contentment and maybe its without you in it.

If you do read this and want to talk, you know where to reach me.

 

 

 

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